Well I’m back. Over the last few weeks I’ve been dealing with an issue, my mental health took a knock from it. Happy to say that the issue has been resolved and my mental health has improved. I like to just write a little bit about the issue, but I won’t go into too much detail.
Optimism and positivity are among my many talents. If a little negative thought creeps in, I can dispel it effectively using humour. With any negativity that is harder to shift; walking, music, gaming, and television all work wonders on it. A little distraction helps to empower me to overcome certain mental obstacles. However, everything has a limit and everyone has a breaking point. For me, there can be a point where no uplifting song or binge watch can do much to fix it.
2020 was a year I felt was going to be a continuation of going from strength to strength with more growth in my confidence. With the Christmas break, it was a good time to sit back, unwind a little and deal with the hectic parts of the season. Coming back into my routine, I wanted to feel settled before jumping back into anything serious like my blogging.
Circumstances at work made it tricky to get settled though. I felt I needed to keep things simple and put a few things, like Dyspraxic Fantastic, on the back-burner.
After a couple of weeks things were going at a steady pace. While these things at work were still hectic, I felt I knew where I stood with it. With that feeling secured, I made a start on my next post. That was weeks ago. Between that moment and now I had a mental crash and it took a while for me to not only overcome the situation but motivate myself to get back to my blog.
I’ve had quite the few slumps and bouts of depression from time-to-time; sometimes it was just an ‘off-day’ and other times several things happening at once just got the better of me. This time I’ve been hit badly out of the blue.
A summary of how this mental crash happened
Last year ended on a note of positivity and hopeful things for the future. Guess my last post would have reflected this. My next planned post was going to be about my New Year’s resolution. Just something that’s nice and simple to start off the year on a light mood; before I tackle any heavy topics.
A major issue raised up at work, the management decided that drastic action and changes must be put in place. A certain change they want to put in place will cause me overwhelming anxiety. Just thinking about it puts me on the verge of an anxiety attack. I’m currently writing this whilst in the middle of this shake up, and the way I see it there’s only 1 outcome; losing my job.
At this point I can look back and reflect on what happened next
These changes seem to be rigid and included a change that would put me back into an environment that caused me anxiety before. No other options were presented to me, which caused even more heavy amounts of anxiety, which has had a major impact on me. I managed to keep myself sane using my usual tactics, but it was a battle to keep pushing forwards. A few people who were unaware of what I was going through seemed to realise something about me had changed. It’s extremely difficult to manage one’s anxiety when there isn’t a solution currently visible. Generally, I can overpower my anxiety with temporary confidence, but even that has its limits. That limit was breached all too quickly with this situation.
I raised my concerns with management and explained why certain changes were going to wreck me. Just the mere thought of the changes almost made me break down.
Management have decided to take on board what I’ve said and work around it. They’ve decided, for the moment, that it would be beneficial not to interrupt me with any further drastic changes. It’s a huge relief because at the time I was dangerously close to losing my job over it.
I embrace change as it’s a fact and way of life. However, for certain things I need to ease into the change rather than at a drop of a hat.
With that mess sorted, I should be free of mind to start blogging again sometime soon. For the time being, I’m letting the dust settle once more, get back my overall routine, and stabilise my sleeping pattern (as that took a severe knock).
What I’ve learned from this
If anything, this experience has confirmed something I’ve suspected for a while now. I’m not as strong as I like to be, but if I have time to process things then I can restore my confidence. With this, I can come up with a tactic to tackle the issue(s) at hand. Part of my anxiety is over-thinking, which is a crippling weakness of mine, but it is one of my most powerful strengths too. By over-thinking situations, rethinking things, imagining the scenarios over and over again I can imagine up different solutions and plan on what to say next. Of course, if this over-thinking doesn’t reassure me then that’s when meltdown can occur. It’s a double edged sword, leaning more on the side of weakness as it’s something I can’t fully control.
Situations like these makes me realise who I am and tests my character. The fact that this time around I’ve come out victorious is why I can see this whole situation in a positive light.
Thanks for reading and see you next post!