Relationships

Introduction:

This page isn’t just about a relationship in the sense of dating, but anything under the category. Like family, friends, school, etc.

Relationships (noun):
The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.

Being a Dyspraxic is a challenge. Relationships are tricky at the best of times for anyone. Now combine the two. What makes it harder is that we live in our own little world that many on the outside don’t fully understand or appreciate.  This makes it difficult to make friends, keep on the good side of family plus peers and finally actually get into a relationship with a special someone. Plus the awkwardness and clumsiness come off as ‘strange’ and ‘weird’ which many people don’t like. 

Unfortunately, relationships as a topic is a very gritty subject. So I’ll do my best to keep it sweet and flowing.
 
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School
In a classroom environment, everyone is judged and compared exactly the same, you have to excel at all lessons otherwise, you’re a failure. “Your son is excellent at Mathematics, however, we are concerned that in P.E lessons he is sorely lacking, we are concerned that…bla…bla….bla.” (Encouragement much?) So with this in mind students and pupils can grow up isolated and judged. Students and pupils are encouraged to be brilliant at everything and thusly if you fail at something they become a failure. A laughing-stock. Called stupid. thick. etc, etc. At School, I would deem myself as average, but boy did I have a sharp mind. However, the classroom environment wasn’t compatible for my mind so I stayed average/stupid. So what happened? Teachers would constantly tell me and my parents that I’m lazy…slacking…behind on work. Even after my diagnoses, this continued. Consequently, I grew up hating teachers and schools. Some teachers were good…but only some…not most.
  

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Friends
Society brings us up to judge, giving us a template of how a human should be. If there’s anything slightly wrong or out of place or different then this is deemed as strange.

‘You’re strange, I don’t want to be friends with you.’ Now that’s the everyday struggle for everyone. Now we throw in the Dyspraxia:
When it boils down to it, people with Dyspraxia are awkward. Both in the physical realm and the mind.
We maybe the friendliest people in the room however because occasionally we say the wrong thing or get mixed signals it means that a lot of people will judge that imperfection and decide that they don’t want to be friends.Because friends work in a group or ‘hive’ (especially at school) if one ‘cool’ person of the group doesn’t like you then the others won’t like you. Or it leads to two face-iness where on their own a person is great, but once the others are around they do an 180° turn. Next, comes the kind-heartiness, one of the greatest double edged swords a person with Dyspraxia has, (and by great I mean it in the extent way not the positive ‘that’s great!’ way)
Many people with Dyspraxia are kind and friendly and don’t mean to hurt anyone intentionally. This way of thinking is quite dangerous as it can lead their kind nature to be exploited or taken advantage of.

 
 
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 Exploitation
From experience, people at school treated me like dirt. Called me names and kicked me around but due to my high computer & IT creativity, these people would act all chummy and friendly, wanting to team up with me for these projects. I did it thinking that it could make friendships. Nope. Wrong. They ended up not inputting anything into the project, stealing the credit, got glory from their own friends, and revert back to treating me like dirt. (Eventually, I had enough and knew I could work on any computer projects by myself and take full credit).Taking this into the work place and employers COULD use a person with Dyspraxia’s kind nature to over work them.
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Family
Friends you can choose, family you cannot – so this is already tricky. Every family is different and have a different approach. I cannot say what is the right way and what is the wrong way to raising a family. This what makes family frustrating. Some families will embrace the Dyspraxia diagnoses and do everything in their power to get it known to teachers etc. Then there’s the deny all knowing of Dyspraxia. Deny it exists, parents deny that their child has it and wanting them to grow up perfect, unjudged and ‘normal’. Believe it or not both ways have advantages and disadvantages, so there is no right or wrong way. However in the eyes of the child there IS a wrong way. Families do what they think is best. The only wrong way, really, is if the family doesn’t do what they think is best.

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Relationship with that Special Someone
Getting into a relationship with someone special is dificult, although some people do have a knack of getting into a relationship very easily. For some people it does come natural and others struggle immensely. With us Dyspraxics we can find it even tougher and sure, because of the social awkwardness and clumsiness, people may find it cute or funny, but it isn’t enough to secure a bond or enough for the other person to pursue a close relationship.

Problem is the world, through media, has a stereotypical man and woman outlook on how you should behave, look, and be.  Even love has been corrupted through media, which makes a great film but not as an outlook on the way of life. So when it comes to finding the right person many people’s visions are corrupted by ideologies and seeing how someone with Dyspraxia doesn’t fit the ‘standard’ movie ideology we struggle as result.

I will say it is better to be out of a relationship and single than in a wrong or a destructive one. 

Again with the kind heartiness of Dyspraxia they can be easily mislead and taken advantage of. While I’m not saying every person is like this, you just have to be careful.This topic is rather big and I’ve just scratched the surface.
 
If you have any concerns regarding family, peers, teachers, employers, relationships, etc then I suggest contacting the Dyspraxia Foundation who can help with your questions. I am more than happy to hear out your problems and give you advice, but certainly for anything major you are best with more advanced help. 
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Relationships conclusion.
In the end having Dyspraxia sets us aside from others. We are different. We are unique. For us Relationships are different. For us Relationships are unique. The way to build friends is slowly and if they cannot accept you for being yourself then they can’t be friends with you. Disclosing Dyspraxia with your peers, family and friends is important for them to understand you. If they wish to judge you on a fact you cannot control or change then what type of person are they? Find people that you can stick with. Also if friends turn nasty then drop them.  If you are struggling to get friends then there are plenty of Facebook groups and internet forums (See links below; but please read their terms and conditions first) that have great, supportive people who know what’s it like to  have Dyspraxia. You’ll certainly find a few people to befriend and help build your confidence. I wish you the best of luck!!

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