What I consider to be one of my strongest attributes is an incredible strong mental will, something that as an adult hasn’t been easy to break. With events leading up to this point in time, I can say I am on the verge of breaking point, to the point where I feel like I only have a few days to a few weeks before I have an emotional meltdown. December 18th 2015 was my last meltdown due to the high amount of anxiety and feelings of worthless at that time. Since that moment I managed to get myself back up to a stable position by taking action and dealing with the problems (this included distancing myself from certain culprits with no regrets). Throughout 2016 things were ticking over nicely, I felt secure, and things were progressing nicely up to 2017 anyway.
As mentioned in a previous post, 2017 hit me hard with new changes, one of which was my job role being made redundant. With 1 month left of work (with only a glimmer of hope of it being extended to 2 months at the time, which it did in the end) my stress and anxiety had started to creep into my life again. To add to my troubles my blog went offline and that caused a heap load more of anxiety, stress, sadness on top of me and pushed closer to the breaking point. I lost a fair bit of progress which my blog has not recovered from entirely yet. My Level 3 Admin course, which was just under 50% complete at the time, needed to be finished in 2 months. I had to do a year’s work in 2 months ideally. I put an incredible amount of energy and time into completing my course and I completed 1 day after my job ended – something I am impressed with. Mentally, it exhausted and took a lot of energy out of me.
On the brighter side of life at the time of this post, I’ve been nearing the end of a job trial and if successful will find myself back into employment. My major problem is there is still a gloom cloud hanging over my head as I haven’t the opportunity to properly rest and spend the time to refresh. This whole year so far has been go, go, go, go, go! I feel numb and exhausted and as each day goes by it becomes a little bit trickier to cope with this. I can say with confidence that friends, family, and other close people have helped tremendously during this time and kept me stable. But I have decided to take a break away from things for a while, have a few weeks without any pressures or expectations, mainly from myself. Taking the job centre and ‘social’ technology out of my life for a bit allowing me to come back afterwards, new, refreshed, and ready for the new challenges and opportunities the rest of 2017 has got in store with my trademark enthusiasm, wit, and positivity.
For those who stick by my blog, thank you it really helps during my more difficult times and new updates will be on the way on my return.