Introduction
Bullying isn’t directly linked with Dyspraxia as such. This is because bullying can happen to anyone, at any time, in any place. I’ve had my own problems with bullying in the past and have felt that I should make a stand against it. My blog is a perfect place for me to address the topic of bullying needed. So here is my bonus page to you, all about Bullies and Bullying; why it happens and some ideas on how to stop it.
What exactly is Bullying?
Bullying is a continuous act by an individual/group of people towards someone else to provoke a negative reaction like fear, sadness or anger, etc
There are three types of bullying; Physically, Emotionally, & Verbally
Physically- To purposely inflict pain onto someone:
- Hitting/punching/kicking/striking
- General physical abuse
- Throwing things at the victim
(It is worth to note that this type of bullying can also be Emotionally bullying as it can affect the mental state as well)
Emotionally- This type of bullying is very subtle and is done by:
- Emotionally isolating someone.
- Deliberately ignoring someone.
- Shunning peers and excluding them from games, social groups, and not including them when handing out invitations to parties, etc.
- Spreading lies and rumours in order to turn people against the victim.
- Anything else that causes another person emotional pain is, of course, considered emotional bullying.
Verbally-Bullying by vocally abusing someone
- Name Calling
- Insulting
- Yelling
- Threatening
- Imitating or mocking
- Swearing at the victim
- Tell lies
Why do the bullies bully?
There are many potential reasons why someone would bully:
– They’re lonely or bored
– They are trying to be ‘cool’, want to fit in with a crowd/peer pressured into doing it
-They get bullied themselves
-They’re jealous or they feel insecure about themselves
-They enjoy seeing others suffering
Sticks and stones, break my bones but names will actually still hurt me
During my school days, and some college ones, I was severely bullied and almost constantly. One of the worst and constant forms that affected me was the name calling. Despite being told several times by several people (including those who actually bullied me) “Sticks and stones, break my bones but names will never hurt me.” The fact remains there’s more emotional damage behind name-calling than what it would seem. Ontop of the name calling there can also be a sense of iscolation and loneliness. Ontop of this, if more people join in or even ignore what is happening then it can feel really lonesome. Without proper support selfesteem is broken away piece by piece.
So, I totally understand that a stupid poem doesn’t do anything to fix the problem. In fact, I would go as far to say it does the complete opposite! Probably controversially of me to say, but anyone who uses that line sincerely cannot be bothered to help. However, they’ll say it to show they have ‘helped’ solve the bullying. It’s a tick in the box; “We did everything we could.” Which, in turn, is actually bullying! Truth of the matter is, I became so emotionally crippled that I had minor plastic surgery to alter my appearance just to mke it stop. I felt it was the only way becuase there was no support at school to help.
How to stop a bully
This old chestnut. Time and time again I have come across the ‘how to stop a bully’, with lists of different tactics like:
– Use clever comebacks or witty remarks
– Ignore them/don’t react – it’s what they want in the end
– look at them in the eyes and show no fear
While those ideas can work, the principle is this:
You have to ‘threaten’ the bully’s standings, not really threaten them with violence. If there is a bully then they are more than likely showing off to the others and you have to show that bully up in front of their ‘friends’. Make their friends laugh at the bully instead of you. How you can accomplish this is another matter. Perhaps the above would work. Then again there is no true way to stop it. After all, there is more than one way to stop a bully, but then there is more than one way to actually bully in the first place.
End of the day I can’t advice what will and won’t work so just try different things, but try not to resort to violence as it does have the tendency to stop bullies you could end up in severe trouble for doing so. Try discussing with the head teacher, teacher, friends, family, manager, collegues, etc.
Two-faced friends
This is such a big issue that it needed a chapter all to itself! These people are one of the worst kind of bullies around. To sum up, they act nice to you sometimes and then horrible the next. I have had a few friends like that in the past. Also, they can be a type of friend who teases you or does nasty things, then cover it up with “I’m only joking”
Reasons why ‘friends’ do this could be many possibilties. Here are some ideas:
1) They like being your friend, but if they have other friends (that they like better or who are more popular) then when they’re around them they may go against you to have a laugh with their ‘best’ friends.
2) They have emotional/social problems and don’t know how to handle social situations and say the wrong things and don’t mean what they say.
3) They want to be friends just so they can get close enough to pick on them.
4) They actually don’t know they are hurting you. (Maybe they genuinely feel it’s harmless banter)
In the past, I’ve had friends across all four examples (the fourth one being the rarest, but used as an excuse). While the second and fourth types are understandable it isn’t completely excusable, as for the others, they’re just plain nasty.
How to deal with these types of people:
1) Confront them and ask why they do it (Ask them both when they are nice and when they are nasty!)
2) Ask another friend (someone who knows them) about them, difficulties, their attitude when you’re not around. May find out more about why they do it and if they know what they’re doing.
3) If you haven’t got an answer from the above steps to help your friendship then the only real solution is to drop them as a friend. Having a toxic friendship isn’t good and it just brings you down, when friends are supposed to help you. Should they want to be your friend they’ll come back to you! If not they’re not worth your time. If you do allow them back as a friend but they still treat you with no respect then it’s best to leave the friendship permanently.
Two-Faced friends is classed as a type of Toxic Behaviour. For more information on Toxic People, I’ve done a page all about it here: http://www.dyspraxicfantastic.com/toxic-people/
Bullying from Families/Friends/Peers/Significant others
Another place where bullying can come from is family members or those who are supposed to be close to you who take it upon themselves to constantly tell the victim that they are not normal or need to be expunged. I class this bullying under the ‘isolating’ banner as the victim is selected for one reason or another-isolated doesn’t always mean left alone it can also mean to be isolated from a crowd because they are different. As for one reason or another they have been selected as the black sheep and thus not fit for the family/team and constantly reminded of it. This is a horrible form of bullying, because the ones that you should be able to rely on for support are the ones against you.
Dyspraxia & Bullies
The thing about being Dyspraxic is we can feel victimised by bullies. This means that even if the bullying is only mild in our minds we process it as more severe and personal. We cannot control how we process the world around us and sometimes the real world is distorted and exaggerated, concequently we can end up in an emotional turmoil. This is why taking bullying seriously is a extremely important.
The other thing about Dyspraxia is we stand out because of it, meaning that we can become a clear target for bullies.
The funny thing is our Dyspraxia is a bully in its own right! By making us drop things, walk into objects and spill drinks, the Dyspraxia is picking on us! Of course Dyspraxia also helps us out creatively from time to time so our Dyspraxia is like a two-faced friend!
If you are a victim of bullying then you should tell the higher authority within your place like:
Head Teacher/Head of Year/Tutor/Employer
Bullying is natural within a primitive society as it brings out the dominate creature of the pack, but we are highly sophisticated beings, evolving past the primitive mindset and bullying is wrong and below us.
Harassment
Harassment is a form of bullying, but instead of it being constant, it’s a short-term/one-off type of bullying and is often linked to discrimination against a person based on a factor:
Disability/Medical condition,
Race,
Faith/Religion/Belief,
Gender,
Sexual orientation,
Gender identity,
Age,
Etc.
If the harassment continues over an extended period of time then that becomes bullying. Either way, harassment is unacceptable if it’s done once or a thousand times. To deal with harassment is exactly the same as bullying.
I have had dyspraxic symptoms all my life. I was picked on at school and at work, etc. I have identified another form of bullying. This occurs when your family, friends, boyfriends, etc. are constantly telling you that you are not normal and they tell you you need to be desensitized. Then they proceed to do all the things that make you uncomfortable, ignoring your discomfort saying it can’t be real. This is inhumane. The danger is that the person being targeted begins to have bad thoughts about themselves and begins to feel hopeless. I am over 50 years old. I still have the same brain and neurological wiring, but I have learned that I do not have to believe the things people say to me, and I don’t have to hang out with people that try to force me to change my brain.
Thanks Cathlyn! We people with Dyspraxia seem to attract Bullies and attention like a magnet-and we can’t stop it. The fact that you don’t let other peoples’ negative comments get to you is a sign of true inner strength and well done for it!! Thanks for stopping by!